Support Helpdesk Induced Trauma Syndrome (SHITS)
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Whilst not yet officially recognised by the British
Medical Authority as a disease, many people believe
that cases the disease known as Support Helpdesk 
Induced Trauma Syndrome (SHITS for short) is on the rise.

As the number of support helpdesks is ever increasing
as IT use and internet access continue to boom, there
is increasing pressure on the Government to fund some
serious research into the disease.

The disease is being looked upon seriously by the UK's
Helpdesk and support managers, who see it as a serious
threat to their support operation's productivity.

The disease first manifetsts itself in those people who
work primarily on the front-line support helpdesks, in
contact with the end-users.

Firstly, it goes unnoticed, in the form of subtle signs
such as rolling of the eyes, twitching, and manic doodling
of jagged lines with a biro whilst on a call.

The disease then enters its second phase, in which the
sufferer may start banging their head on the desk during
a call, and may even resort to hurling of random objects
at co-workers, for example, mouse mats and wrist pads.
The sufferer may also take to spinning on the chair and
hiding under their desk.

In an attempt to ease the symptoms, the sufferer may drink
excessive amounts of coffee and smoke more than normal. In
acute cases, sufferers have been known to take large amounts
of alcohol and controlled substances.
At this point, the sufferer may become depressed,
resulting in possible deliberate missing and dropping
of calls, late arrival, being short with users and a
general bad temper. The sufferer may also take a turn
for the worse in terms of personal hygiene and social life,
preferring only to eat, sleep and work. If they have a pager,
however, the disease may become advanced to the point that,
even if this person stops working in a support environment,
they continue to be affected by the condition in
their new job function.

Left undiagnosed, the disease progresses into extreme
paranoia, psycosis and can even affect the language of
the sufferer. For example, such words as 'fuckwit' 'lart'
'luser' enter into everyday dialogue. The sufferer may get
to such a point as to deliberatly field calls with the intent
of, essentially, taking the piss out of the clueless fuckwit
on the other end of the line. If this cannot be achieved,
the dialing of random users' phone numbers late at night
whilst intoxicated and asking the user to perform ludicrous
tasks, such as, 'take your computer out into the garden and
water it to expand its storage capacity' will often satisfy
the sufferer's need to get revenge for some of the abuse he
or she receives daily.

Sufferers may take on alternate names to hide their true
identities. The name "Bob" is a common one, and, in some
cases, whole support departments are collecively know as
"bob". We are bob. We even have a case on file of a bobette,
and freddyf.

In extreme cases, insanity has started to take hold,
resulting in tragic results such as the burning down
of user's homes, the nailing of user's cats to front
doors, and severe, unrepairable damage to computer equipment.

Please help us to fight out case and get SHITS recognised as a
known syndrome.