Have you ever been logged off of a BBS because it didn't detect ANSI graphics
on your non-IBM-compatible computer?

Have you ever been denied service at a business establishment simply because
you couldn't prove that you owe money for something you didn't need in the
first place?

Have you ever been turned down for a job or apartment because you are a
smoker, or wear your hair or dress differently from those around you?

Have you become violently ill every time a radio or television has been 
turned on in your hearing since 1975?

Have you ever walked out of a store because the only clothes on the sale rack
were average sizes and you weren't?

Do you drive 50 miles every weekend because every store but the one in East
Bumblef**k stopped selling your favourite beer two weeks after you discovered
it?

Have you ever collected vinyl records, 8-track tapes or Betamax video movies
only to find that you can never complete your collection because some board
of directors has declared your format of choice obsolete?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then you, too, are a victim of the
International Sausage Conspiracy!

Like most people you have probably always complacently accepted these things
as mere coincidence, but now the truth can be revealed...they are all part of
an insidious plot on the part of a group of men known as the Sausage 
Grinders, or more commonly as THEM!

Their chief goal in life is to turn our brains into textured vegetable pro-
tein in order to make us more easily manipulated, for the express purpose of
transforming us all into perfectly identical, totally uniform, interchange-
able Sausage Links (filler added)!

We, the last of the Human Beings, must resist their efforts with all of our
resources, lest we, too, become absorbed by the dreaded Sausage People who
now populate most of our planet. Yes, you too, if you are not careful, could
become merely another Link in the endless Sausage Chain.

Were it not for the efforts of one inspired man, we might never have become
aware of the most widespread conspiracy in human history. Yes, I am speaking
of that oft-maligned character who has been scourged for years by the press
(yet another component of their vast plan), His Holiness George Schlepper the
First, Patron Saint of the Internet and Chief Profit of the Gnostic Church of
the Mysterious Unknown Force.

How, you may ask, can you assist in the resistance against this Insidious
Sausage Conspiracy? His Holiness, Friend of the Little Man, has provided a
way that even you, with your pitiful resources, can aid in this gallant
struggle. Just send your dollars, roubles or video game tokens to the Gnostic
Church of the Mysterious Unknown Force, payable to George himself, and he 
will use each and every cent to protect his corner and yours of this world we
never made.

Together we can re-conquer this world from the dreaded Sausage People, but 
you must act now if you don't want to end up as just another pork-stuffed
intestine in a world of complacent Sausage Links.

(The preceding announcement has been a public service of the Gnostic Church 
of the Mysterious Unknown Force.)

                        -- richard.wyatt@ehbbs.com (Richard Wyatt)  10/29/93
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