"So I really needed to get to the Kroger, and I begrudgingly called Wilma to
come give me a ride. You know how Wilma is, she leaves the house without her
teeth or her brain. So I'm like 3/4 of the way through my list when I smell
a dirty diaper, but there are no babies around. Would you gawddamn believe
it's Wilma? She damned well shit herself in the detergent aisle. And it was
foul. I asked her what happened and she just shrugged and said she forgot
she needed to visit the ladies' room. How do you forget you've gotta crap?
And here's the real kicker: I'm trying to hurry us out of there to go home,
since she stinks to high heaven, and then I'm stuck in a closed car with her.
I'm hoping she'll bring me home quickly but when we're halfway here she says
she's taking us out to IHOP for lunch. I'm telling her 'Noooo you're not!' but
she does. So there we are, she's sitting in her own shit in a booth..."
with a couple location details changed but not the names, the above story actually happened