SYSTEM DESCRIPTION:

    This system is being run on a nuclear-powered abacus, using
  a 2-bit open-architecture General Electric pop-up toaster for
  secondary  storage  and a 40meg roll  of Charmin toilet paper
  as primary storage.   The modem is a Dixie cup which uses the
  working version of 24TO96.EXE, with MNP-0.5 error correction.
    The system is also mouse-driven  by a hamster on a wheel as
  backup power supply; has a Kelloggs serial printer (216 fonts
  onboard and prints in pencil), Volkswagen MicroBus one-button
  mouse, Prozac joystick, and PhrenoLogix foot scanner; and has
  a SoundBlaster clone (two 3" speakers and Walkman) attached.
    The computer  itself is  a 586 AT with  Timex-Sinclair math
  coprocessor,  12 expansion slots free,  combination parallel/
  serial/clock radio with alarm card, and the modem is connect-
  ed on COM27: with the  printer on LPT-8:.   The monitor is an
  Etch-A-Sketch which uses a Sears Kenmore monochrome VGA card.
  The case and several components are secured with several feet
  of Scotch Tape by 3M and blobs of chewing gum by Bubblicious.
    The BBS program is a modified  version of "Pong" written in
  COBOL by Microsloth, and is being run via Windows 2.1 to have
  access to the full speed of the computer while allowing other
  applications (CHKDSK, PARK, SpinRite) to be run as well.  All
  modifications were by the sysop's kid brother on a VIC-20.
    The phone answers at 150bps then gains momentum after warm-
  ing up for a minute.  The connection is five data bits, three
  stop bits, and random parity.  If the connection seems to not
  be right at logon do not adjust your setup -- the computer is
  trying to figure out where you are calling from before allow-
  ing access; shouting your street address seems to help this.

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  |R.A.T. #2 -- cosysop of the Ironing Board PongBBS -- dial M|
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