R.A.T. Rules, in no particular order...

##) Rule #1 is:  get out of the house and just plain wander downtown!
##) When all else fails, RTFM.
##) Is it plugged in?  (Computing's First Law)
##) Tangle the web you weave.
##) One-night-stands should be like nature hikes:  leave only footprints,
     take only pictures, and don't forget the bug repellant.
##) The older you are, the more fun a snowball fight can be.
##) Have fun, then have more fun.
##> Realize the joy of irony.  Some people take themselves too seriously.
##) No matter how big and strong you are, with many people you can't change
     the lightbulbs in their heads.
##) You can't have your youth back; your parents threw it away.  And you
     don't realize this fact until you see the prices in antique stores.
##> If everything seems to be going okay, something is desperately wrong.
##) Never make toast while on the modem.
##) There's no such thing as a dead platform, only dead company support.
##) See how many innuendos you can make while ordering a pizza.
##) Falling in love is like falling in excretia.  The initial shock will
     pass, but you'll never completely shake the experience.
##) Having someone fall out of love with you without your consent only hurts
     when you breathe.
##) Push the envelope and see where it gets you.  You'd be surprised what
     positive results you get if you bang on something long enough.
##) Don't take life seriously; it's not permanent.
##) A wrong number can be the most fun you've had all day.
##) Do not look directly into the fast-food worker; you may see your
     reflection.
##) It's not what he's got that impresses her, it's how much he spends
     on her in particular.
##) It's not what she's got that impresses him, it's how it's displayed.
##) Ambrose Bierce died for our sins.
##) Jack Handey taunts the demons which taunt you.
##) Dilbert is all around you.  Since St. Dogbert can't be everywhere, do
     your part to cast out the demons of stupidity.
##) If it's not broken, keep trying.
##) Strip the meat off of someone's bones of contention; sacred cows make
     for excellent hamburgers.
##) The best parts of me laugh at mirrors.
##) A tech's work is never done.
##) Shout back at the TV when an ad insults your intelligence.
##) Realize that if you feel that your sanity is fraying, that's progress!
##) The item you're searching for is either in the first place you looked
     but you didn't see it OR somewhere you'd never imagine putting it, but
     either way it's in the last place you'll look -- unless it was tossed
     or stolen, which is what happened if you will need the item again soon.
##) Take credit when they don't know someone beat you to it.
##) Walk around looking skyward and see how many people look up.
##) Stare at other peoples' zippers (or your own) while conversing with
     them.  See how many people look down.
##) Spike the punch.  We suggest using rootbeer.
##) Turn down the volume on the TV and crank up the stereo.
##) Any place that offers free samples:  Take some.  Doesn't matter what.
##) Offer candy to children's mothers.  Make sure your pants are ON.
##) Help scouts across the street.
##) Uplifting messages can be found by walking into supermarkets and
     enjoying the announcements over the PA.
##) Walk around wearing a personal stereo.  Do not turn it on, but wear the
     earphones on your ears anyway.  Feel free to ignore everyone, and see
     how many people speak louder to get your attention.
##) Walk or bike to services which are set up for cars.  
##) Push a shopping cart to your bike when at the market, or through the
     carwash or line of cars at the bank.
##) When someone comes up and says hello, point and screech like Donald
     Sutherland at the end of the 1977 remake of "Invasion of the Body
     Snatchers."  Running away with your arms flailing over your head does a
     lot to intensify the effect this trick creates.
##) Scream once in awhile so people don't HAVE to wonder.
##) Whenever and wherever possible, take the smug down a notch.
##) Despise, don't hate.  (Saravejo Survival Manual)
##) Say something cryptic and leave snickering.