Phile : NETGUIDE.TXT Nym : R.A.T.'s Ink. #69 @5900 [EliteNet] Posted : Sun, Sept 9, 1993 20:50:34 Edited : We'll get around to it. _________________________________ / \ { The Cynic's Guide to Networking } \_________________________________/ Have you ever logged onto a new BBS, started reading messages, then suddenly noticed that you already read them on The Ironing Board PongBBS (the official R.A.T. board; dial M) and got very confused about it? Here, let us explain. The phenomenon is known as "networking," and basically what it means is that several sysops have come to the conclusion that their boards just don't get enough mail, and thereby must leech the mail off of other boards to be worth calling. This can be fascinating if the other netted boards are in the distance, thereby allowing you to exchange messages with more intelligent people than you find locally and to swear freely at people you have never (and may never!) meet; however, in some areas you find that several local boards with the same users are netted, resulting in the same 125 messages per board being repeated everywhere you go. What fun. Here is a list of categories of things you will find on netted boards. This isn't neccesarily complete, since subspecies spawn pretty fast, but in time you will see all of these major categories perpetrated umpteen times. FASCIST MODERATORS Not all sysops or SIGops are the free-thinking, fun-loving phreaks that BBS's have become known to host. Some are of the opinion that the First Amendment doesn't apply to their corner of cyberspace. (Admittedly an operator can set some loose parameters and chastise those who post items contrary, such as the host of a Christian board who doesn't want scatalogical posts filling his 10 meg HD. But we mean is the people who, like some pay-per-logon services, delete messages and accounts of those who do not reflect the same political point of view or other trivial drivel.) They are not a large group, since most users seek and destroy these types. Word of mouth or keyboard goes a loooong way. Either these people change their attitudes (it's hard to change one's spots, so this is rare) or run a BBS that only 2 people other than the host calls -- but the rest of us get to deal with it since, after all, it IS netted. Cure: don't reply! SLEEPER MODERATORS Inherently good people, these folks sometimes go away for long periods of time, be it to Nebraska or to the kitchen. When the board in question is a hub for an area, you soon discover no new messages for several days and 2516 new messages come Monday. There is no cure for these people; yelling at them does no good since their boards are often down without warning. MULTI-NYMTWITS Does Phalse Fallus on one board reply to notes written to Randee of the Reddi-Wip on another board, as though they were the same person? Surprise, friends: he's one and the same, and also posts on both of those boards as Teutonic Plague. Why, you may ask, would anyone want more than one handle (aside for the possible chance of doubling available download credit)? We figure it's insecurity and/or schizophrenia. Cure: always reply using the name the person's mama gave them. ECHO/CRC ERROR/DUPES No software is perfect, ergo once in a great (like on VBBS) a series of messages will be repeated. Certain boards, however, are best known for their "repeated thrice for the short term memory impaired" feature. Yes, a lot of users may suffer from the syndrome, causing them to hit the key to reply followed by the words, "Uhh, what was I gonna say?" and a quick trip to their scrollbacks, but when the message package contained over 200 pieces of mail, yielding 400+ new messages at logon, there's something wrong. The best way to deal with this is to read messages until you come to the first repeat, then skip to the last 5 messages in the sub -- assuming that there hasn't been another series of repeated messages piped in from another node. ANSI VIRII Not common but a real pain in the gluteus. In reading messages you come across one that locks up the BBS, freezes your terminal, causes the carrier to drop, turns your display to black letters on a black background, or sets your screen to a blinking rainbow of random characters. Some kids do this sort of thing intentionally, while others have somehow offended the great god Citadel or the demigod Ansi-mation. There's no way to prevent these little quirks, but it sure feels good to attack the person who left the message which left you hanging... (Esc[0;13;"ECHO Y|Format C:";13p) FLAMERS Some users' messages are like dirty diapers alongside the highway -- full of crap and can be seen everywhere you go. This is an evolved form of twit, having some backbone but still yet no opposable thumbs. They have an opinion (which beats the heck out of those fine folks who never post at all, we'll give them that much credit) but feel they must share it despite glaring flaws or a complete lack of factual backing, and in posts which continue for several screens. When another person calls them on the flaws, they get even more anal and ridiculous. The common procedures used when encountering these type are 1) skipping messages written by this person as their names come onscreen, 2) adding name to twit name folder in offline reader or defaults in your personal configuration on a BBS, 3) not reading that message at all despite hitting SPACE several times to get through the message, 4) flaming right back with or without brain engaged. NET HO'S Some boards or nets, depending on how uneventful they are, get some member of the female gender (being a sort of user in much demand, in several ways) who posts a message that EVERYONE replies to, just so they can get their dibs in with her. It's pathetic but it exists. The "Gardening" sub of a board goes from 1 message a month to 35 from all over the country, just because someone named Vanessa QT asked when rhubarb is ready to be picked. It doesn't take long to figure out who knows what rhubarb even looks like, and who merely wants their rhubarb pulled. Cure: join or scoff. TAGLINE, YOU'RE IT! Of course those nifty words tacked to the end of each post inform you of where a message came from, or which comedians a certain user listens to. Mostly these can be fun to read if users write their own offline reader tag files; the defaults get redundant pretty quick. The ANSI-coded tags can be a real kick too, since the use of colors and various upper ASCII characters can brink on art. (We've wondered about some of the rainbow tags we've seen.) But for those of they who have a non-ANSI terminal, such as R.A.T. #2's Apple //e or R.A.T. #1's Commodore 64 [go figger], this can be damnright annoying. As they say on RelayNet, steal all you want -- we'll make more. STREAKERS Occasionally, a user (or sometime a moderator) will post 5-50 redundant or ridiculous posts. A person will post in response to previous messages (without quoting or even an "RE:" line) saying merely "Yeah," "Nope," or "Bite me." Some unoriginal streakers post a series of one-liners from their macros, "Worship the Cheeze-Doodles mere mortal" or, using ASCII upload, the EXACT SAME message a few times in a row. Combine this with occasional dupes and you get a major migraine. Cure: wake the moderator up, unless the moderator is a streaker as well (most often seen in the form of, "Call my board, it's neat. ###-###-####"). This is a good test of a BBS's "skip" key and your reflexes as well, and depending on the net you may get a lot of practice. DOWNEY-LIMBAUGH SYNDROME One of the intended purposes of BBS's and networks is the open discussion of topics, some of which are controversial. As mentioned in the "Fascist Moderator" description, there are some people that just can't accept anyone else's opinion as valid, usually in the discussion of religion or politics. This genre of folk slam anyone who does not agree with them and verbosely tell why their point of view is right and yours is wrong (and why you're a Commie going to hell because of it) -- and they also will not stop flogging a point even after everyone else in the discussion has moved on to other things, out of concern of being right and having the last word. Again, like the "Fascist Moderator," these folk are easily singled out and ignored wholesale, though in this case some will send you insulting private e-mail because you've quit their fray. What good are his toys if no one will play with him? ONE-TRICK PONIES Most boards will handle many rooms on a network, but you will occasionally see a username or BBS node name that only can be found in one sub. This usually means that this particular board in question is only carrying one or two subs of the net for whatever reason, and only to satisfy that particular user (usually the sysop). There's nothing wrong with this picture, except that you may begin to wonder if that's really a BBS or not since only one person seems to ever call it... GATED NET AND ONE-WAY SUBS Sometimes there's an overlap if a board carries more than one network, and the mutual subs are called "gated." This is the quickest way to offend a large number of people, or make sure that everyone reads your textfiles. That's the intended purpose. It's the twits that post streaks or other garbage in these shared rooms that we can live without. Add to this any differences between net or message formats (a.k.a. garbage text or, heaven forbid, duplicate posts!) and individual net or moderator expectations (you get shelled for posting a dirty joke in the Humor sub). The sibling to this is the "read-only" rooms, where a sub gets input from another net (such as InterNet) but replies will not go back to the sources. You'll find out soon enough how much fun it is when someone posts a message about something you want more info on, or a message that is totally idiotic, and you have no way of getting back to the author with your reply. Cure: remember that this is just a hobby, just a hobby, and one day we will all be dead so it doesn't matter. (Until then, just grit your teeth and go to the next sub.) Chances are you will develop a liking for net chatter, info-surfing, and ASCII grooving, even with total idiots. Who knows, you might even find MUDs (you figure it out) to be enjoyable! We advise that you avoid being one of the above-mentioned cybertwits, and be sure to post everywhere just in case there are other users out there who have IQ's above that of a pop-up toaster or who happen to have import albums by your favorite musical group. Most importantly: nets give you the opportunity to share textphiles like this. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | R.A.T. is a loosely-organized collaboration of hackers [of course] | | who observe social conventions and remind others that they weren't | | invited to attend. Observing the human element and laughing aloud | | at it has always been one of our major kicks. This phile was written | | by R.A.T.s #1 (Chrome) and #2 (The Mushroom). You may distribute | | this freely (as you do everything else) but PLEASE don't remove this | | here credit bar, we beg of you. (This is our Warholian 15 minutes.) | | The next R.A.T. dropping is coming to a system near you... <> | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+