Dear White Trash Weekly readers:
We know that sometimes our stories are funny, sometimes risqué or rude, but once in a while we like to give you something a little more gentile. We know that you our readers are human as well, and that gentleness is something that all people have in common, if in different doses. So here we have a submission that is a little more charming than some of our more recent stories. Sit back, and remember the old, or current days, for we know that many of you have had this same experience.
In her younger years he used to tinker with her daily. She had been His
most beloved of all mechanical toys, the best jigsaw puzzle a young man
could ask for. She loved the way He paid extra for Havoline® oil, and took
her through the car wash every week or two. She loved the way He rubbed her
down, the circular motion of His beefy arms as they massaged Turtle Wax®
into her seven layer enamel paint job. He really appreciated her American
In recent years though, things had changed. He still fed her 92 octance Exxon, and gave her Havoline®, but he was beginning to neglect the little things. Sometimes he wouldn't change the oil for 4,000 miles. Trips to the car wash came infrequently now. It seemed an age since he gave her body a good work over with Turtle Wax®, or lubed her rear end with axle grease. At first she thought it was the little ones riding in the back seat. She became jealous of the woman with short red-brown hair riding in the passenger seat. She began to feel very hurt that he could cheat on her so blatantly.
She was depressed, and it showed in her performance. She no longer purred at stop lights, and she was less willing to accelerate. This did get his attention, but not always in the politest of fashions. "Goddamnit stay running for once!" she herd Him yell more and more often. He began to drive her less and less, until she was only used on Sundays. She noticed a new car parked in her old spot in the lawn.
One day she realized that she was old. She hated getting up in the morning, and then one day, she decided that she had had enough, and simply didn't start. He surprised her then, instead of the usual swearing, he actually started to cry.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry I've neglected you. Please don't leave me now, I still need you. My wife first and now you!! I don't know if I could handle it if the two most important ladies in my life stopped putting out," he sobbed into her steering wheel.
She gave him a sigh in the intimate car talk they had shared in her youth, "I need a right job, and some TLC. I'm an old bird now, you have to be gentle with me."
He heard her cry for help, and she became his favorite weekend hobby. He gave her a real overhaul. She loved the long remembered feeling of him opening her hood and playing with her intake manifold. She loved the way his beefy arms tightened her nuts and bolts with his Snap-On® ratchet set. He still knew how to put her in gear.
Then one day he slammed down her hood and yelled to his wife, "Wanna take a test drive?" She wasn't as good as new, but she felt like a spring chicken anyway. He was her favorite grease monkey, and he still knew how to giver her a good time.
Then one day, a new person was at the wheel and he was now a teacher. "She's a special lady, go easy on the old bird," and with those words of caution, she was no longer His. The youngster drover her like she was young again. They had some fun together, and the youngster knew how to polish her body to a high sheen. It just wasn't the same without Him in the drivers seat.
She was really getting into old age now. Everything had a little play in it, and He just didn't have the time to tinker with her anymore. She started to cry tears of Havoline® more and more often. She was no longer His baby. One day as the youngster was driving, she simply gave up, and would be coaxed no further. "I'm sorry kid, I just can't do it anymore," she whispered to the youngster. The kid only called Him for a rescue.
He came, and the prognosis was bad.
"I'm sorry dad, I tried, and she just stopped."
"It's okay, nothing lasts forever," he had a lump in his throat.
They hauled her home, and the junkyard was called. Her final night, and thankfully he was there to guide her out of the world of the living. "Oh baby, my precious baby, we sure had some good times together didn't we?" He slept in her seat that night.
"All for the love of a dodge," his wife whispered lovingly as she covered his sleeping frame for the night.