Subj : Hibernation? What? Nah, we just pulled a Rip-Van-Winkle on y'all! Name : chrome@slackers.darktech.org, mushroom@slackers.darktech.org Phile : DEFINE_2.TXT Ref_1 : DEFINE.TXT Date : Thursday, 1993 (c & m, pure cane sugar) Edit_1: Friday, May 12, 2000 21:30:02 (#1 and #2) Edit_2: In Progress... ============================================ = A Cynic's Guide to Computer Terms (v2.0) = ============================================ It had become standard procedure to enter the computing world with a fresh attitude and, over time, develop a rather realistic and cynical attitude about computers. As a public service from some folk who have been through hell and lived to tell, we wished to aid your knowledge and speed your descent into the disgust we call computing. However, this is no longer the case. In this fast-paced era with many more versions of Microsloths' evil being available (and pretty much being the average users' only available choices), it is now standard practice to descend into fear and loathing of computers within a week of being introduced. How do you compare a crash in DOS to one in Windoze? (well, only one process dies with it instead of twelve...) The original DEFINE.TXT was written in Notepad under the brand- spanking-new Windoze 3.1 Operating Environment(tm). To put it bluntly, "The More Things Change, The More They Remain The Same." Now it's brought to you courtesy of Kedit 1.2.2 under KDE 1.90. Old Skool R.A.T. Phans will recognize much of the content of this phile. Indeed, it is not a complete rewrite, but rather simply an update. Some material has been added, changed, dropped on its' head, or simply bastardized. Anyway, on to the swimsuit competitio... er, the next section! General knowledge ----------------- ADLIB: A means of putting the sound capabilities of an IBM compatable on par with those of a Commodore 6581 or 8580 SID chip. These days such is simply laughed at, as everyone has an unbelievable expensive soundcard that implements MPEG compression in hardware, is optimized for sending output to 500 Watt 5-channel speaker systems and requires seperate power supply and cooling system. ALT: The key used for accessing characters you don't really need and using functions you can't get on primitive computers. ANSI: Artistic Nature Seems Inherent; the ability to see colors and some typographical characters, usually unused except to make impressive menus to annoy other sysops and users without ANSI capability. ANSI CHARACTER: What one becomes when word gets out that one is running a pirate BBS. Also a nearly dead artform, now only seen on ultra-l33t pirate ftp servers. BACKSPACE: The first key to show wear. The 'back' buton in your browser is happily immune from having the letters worn off. BAUD: How slow a modem goes. One of life's peculiarities is that the smaller the number, the faster the transmission -- 19.2 is faster than 300. Then it suddenly goes up again -- i.e. 56k is faster than 33.6k. And, again, it suddenly goes down. 2000k (or 2m, cablemodem) is slower than 256k (DSL). It is theorized that all those phantom files in "Network Neighborhood" that keep disappearing and reappering are the culprits. They somehow slow things down to about 30bps. BBS: Basically BS -- what many users post on boards. Also, a reference point used by long-time computer users; if you ran one, you're OLD. :) BINARY: 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 BOOT: To start the computer, as well as what you give the thing when it won't start. Windoze users are familiar with this. BULLETIN BOARD SYSTEM: High tech graffiti walls. Some systems are very much comparable to lavatories indeed. The only parallel we have nowadays are porn sites requiring logins and having message bases. CHIP: What Apple // users carry on their shoulders from their mother company's making them orphans. Also what drives the computer, a modern form of vacuum tube which is far less durable when handled. CLI: CLear Interrupts. Not very intuitive since text/command line interfaces require lots of interrupts to do anything productive in (i.e. swap consoles constantly, etc etc.) Linux and DOS have this in common. Mac and Windoze users miss out on this glorious tool. CMOS: Computer Must Obliterate Sanity; an elegant way of dumping your computer's setup information. CONTRIBUTION: To a programmer or sysop, money. To the average user, files. Nothing seems to break this language barrier. COPY PROTECTION: An in-joke among computer users; an additional game found on some commercial disks similar to "Breakout." This game is no longer played on floppies, the CD version having become popular. COPYRIGHT: To duplicate a disc without errors. Any other interpretation is simply inaccurate in the computer field. CRASH: Temporary setback for sysadmins or the end of the world for a sites' users, depending upon one's viewpoint. On a personal computer, the hardware is playing hard-to-get or other similar games, and it's the game that Windoze users play as often as "Solitaire." Windoze then starts a new game after it has won that one, called "ScanDisk." CPU: Computer Punishes User -- the heart of the machine which, with the advent of faster chips, can be torn out. Try THAT with your average user some time and see if it's as easy as it is enjoyable. CTRL: You think you can control your computer with this? HA! CURSOR: What one becomes after hours of reading posts by abrasive users, after playing certain games without success, or after trying to boot Windoze without success. Also that little flashy thingie where any new text you type is placed, or that you sometimes see when windoze fails to boot. DISK DRIVE: Where to stick it. There are hard disks (lots of garbage can be stored), floppy disks (information can be lost in chunks of 360K through 2.88MB), optical disks (the true definition of WYSIWYG), removable media (8-track tape given a new lease on life) and CDROMs (a fancy term for "CD player with no visible stereo attached"). DOCS: Document files, often ignored albeit integral in the operation of many programs. The only reason some people own printers. DOS: Doesn't Operate Steadily. A vast chasm where programs were lost. Has been replaced by a plastic version called Windows Boot Into DOS. EOF: End Of Fantasy; marker at the end of docs to tell you when to stop reading. Generally unnoticed by computer users because they hit CNTL-C midway through the file, after the thing they wanted to see scrolled off of the screen. ERROR CORRECTING MODEM: Misnomer because it doesn't fix any program bugs, typos in text, or other "undocumented features." Note that anything faster than 56k the modem doesn't try to fix, and if Windoze can't detect the modem this is also an error that the modem apparently can't fix. ESC: Inaccurate name for the key in the top left corner of the keyboard. You will never "escape" by using it since there is NO escape. F1: Where Microsoft hides all the stuff you should have seen in the docs, which you didn't read in the first place. FREEWARE: Whateverything should be. Or on the Web, is. FRIED: Vernacular for toasted or fritzed, as applied to original disks and/or hardware you had to pay for. Also used to describe some users' brains after hours of TradeWars or Q3A. FUNCTION KEYS: Often dysfunctional. Computer programmers use these keys to keep tiny hands from having to type commands. (Has it ever occured to you that GUIs/WIMPs are the same thing?) GRAPHICS: Pictures that aren't pornographic. Rare on some systems. GUI: Gorgeous, Useless, Impractical -- unless you're doing graphic design. Pronounced as "gooey", like molassas. HACK: Liberate oppressed programs, or at least pretend to do so. Current vernacular updates this to be "Crack" which just happens to be used to denote breaking security of any type, and also what RMS happens to be smoking when he thinks people are going to listen when he says "No, It's GNU/Linux!" HACKER: What your enemies call you, but you call them names as well, and their name for you is much more charitable than yours for them. Not a bad person at all if he's a true-blue friend of yours. HARDWARE: Popularly thought to be the silicon and plastic portion of our lives, many BBSrs refer to their floppy disks as this. HEX: What programmers put on software; also, 68 65 78 JOYSTICK: Often thought to be a peripheral for playing games or pointing, it is really a reference to some users' private parts. LIGHT PEN: The pointing device everyone wants but no one has; also, the device used to write down what the printer missed -- it comes in many colors and is easily lost when demand for it arises. MATH COPROCESSOR: The alternative to buying a faster CPU chip when generating fractals; otherwise, another part of the computer often bragged about but seldom used. MICROCHIP: The stuff in the bottom of the snack-food bag. MODEM: The root of all evil. MONITOR: (1) To watch a BBS user closely to see if he is using a fake or "borrowed" access name; also, the device used for this purpose. (2) To watch a computer user closely to see if he is using "borrowed" copyrighted software or unregistered shareware; also, the device used by the culprits. (3) A glorified television. MOUSE: A cat-toy which brinks on the cheesy. MOUSE-DRIVEN: Runs at the speed of a hamster on an exercise wheel. MOUSEPAD: Where the R.A.T.s hang out. Also, where you can stick that damn mouse, though it will never stay there when in use. NETWORK: Spreading the BS (in "BBS") around to people who do not know more about you than your handle in just one call, as opposed to the traditional method of having to call more than one system to annoy everyone who doesn't know who you are. Also, a means of having one computer get screwed up by many remote keyboards. OPTIMIZE: Originally meant to remove unused spaces from the hard drive, it now means to put your computer on the unusable list for at least half an hour, thereby optimizing your ability to do other things around the house, such as paint the exterior. PIRATE: What your enemies call your best friend. That is why he is your best friend! PRINTER: A device used by computer folk to record information they will soon forget or discard, like the printouts themselves. PROMPT: That annoying flashing thing marking where you may type. If you lose it, that can be even more annoying. RAM: Rarely Accessable Memory; the memory which you put programs into with the hopes of getting something tangible back. ROM: Running Outta Memory; the memory which the computer selfishly keeps for itself so that it will always know that it is superior to you. SCANNER: A device used to make pictures look worse than if you were to attempt to draw them freehand. SHAREWARE: What we do with our files anyway. SHELL: A way to get to DOS when you really shouldn't be there. Also, what some computer users seem to be hiding in. SOFTWARE: Pablum for our little babies. SOUNDBLASTER: The standard way to boost an IBM compatable's sound capabilities above that of an Atari. TURTLE BEACH: An extremely expensive way to boost an IBM compatible's sound capabilities above that of an Atari, akin to putting Bose speakers on an RCA Victrola. TRACKBALL: A heavier, harder type of tetherball. VAPORWARE: The version or update we wait for to correct the bugs we cannot get past. See also BLANK DISK. VIRUS: The computer world's version of natural selection. What smart people write when a K still exists on an enemy's disk that they would like to fill, unless (of course) "This virus requires Windows 95". Also the strongest means of persuasion we know to cause users to abandon Outlook Express. VIRUSWARE: What we give to our enemies as an olive branch, anonymously or to our loved ones unintentionally. WYSIWYG: (whizzy-wag) "what you see is what you get," which it never is. HTML: Horrid, Terrible, Mutilated Language. Has most of the advatages of BASIC (short development time, immediate testing) while having less functionality than almost anything else. [Where the hells the damn include tag? -ed] The language of today's porno picture menuing systems. Spoken in angle-brackets. DHTML: Dirty, Horrid, Terrible, Mutilated Language. The worst excuse to install Internet Explorer, since this is often used for navigational menuing on websites. Pretty to look at when and if it works. XML: eXciting Mutating Language. Do-it-yourself web programming where you can make up the commands as well as use HTML. Supposed to be the Next Big Thing but at this writing the language itself doesn't exist. Names to remember ----------------- BALLMER: After Bill stepped down, Ballmer a(de?)scended to the Throne. If he's worthy to wear the Borg suit remains to be seen... BUSHNELL: Creator of Heaven and Earth, Atmosphere and Atari. Like many other ancient deities, mostly forgotten by today's faithful. GATES: Self-proclaimed demigod of the computing pantheon and instigator of the Windows farce. Boy genius gone corporate, living proof that pirates can get rich and be called heroes. JOBS: The NeXT deity, whose latest creations may be a "second coming." Patron saint of Apple users of both sects (// and Mac); also responsible for making "Wozniak" a household word. KATZ: Sainted patron of file compression. Often challenged but never defeated, he sought the perfect algorithm and stopped at nothing to find it so that he could share it with we mortals free of charge. McAFFEE: Patron saint of paranoid computer users. Those who do not pay homage to this demigod sometimes get struck by lightning. NORTON: Patron saint of oddly-named utility programs. The driving force behind the "read the damn doc files" movement. SCULLEY: The angel Lucifer's corporate cousin and Pepsi drinker. TORVALDS: Our Penguinista, who art in Finland, Linus be thy name. Thy Software come, thy "make bzImage" be done, in sh as it is bash. Give us this day our daily kernel diff. And forgive us our segfaults as we forgive your core dumps. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from Redmond. For thine is the source, the freedom, and the GNU. Forever and ever, Amen. BBS/Internet terms ------------------ ANONYMOUS COWARD: The most prolific poster on any board, sheer volume is only approched by Troll and The Flamer. AOL: Annoyingly Off-Line. The Internet on training wheels. A pool which holds folks who cannot handle a real ISP or choose their own content. AOL started life as a game service for the Atari 2600 (GameLine). Moving into the 80's it became a way to get Apple //'s to communicate. It should be noted they haven't progressed much since. BOARD (LINE) HOG: Someone who ties up valuable online resources, keeping you from pressing business like playing Furious George, using AOL Instant Messenger, or posting about Hot Grits. CHAT: (n) The mark of a good BBS. (v) Discuss things online that you would not talk about in person because they are so inane. COMMENT: Tell the sysop off, tattle on another user, inform the sysop that the game YOU wish to play isn't working right, or tell the IRCops that joeluser_' needs to be kickbanned for autodcc'ing ILOVEYOU to #* COMPUSERVE: The best source of (and place to license from) clean GIF files. CONFERENCE: A place to post nonsense. No one who agrees with you will post there as well, yet those in disagreement will spout off their maligned opinions incessantly. See also: CHANNEL COSYSOP: A friend of the sysop whose knowledge of computing is either far below that of the sysop (expect system quirks), or is far above and thus he is the one who does all the serious work. DOOR GAME: Similar to a door prize, though less rewarding. DOWN: Term for a BBS which is not running, usually due to the selfish nature of sysops who unscrupulously use their computers for things other than a BBS once in awhile. Also what the hosting computer for a website is said to be when a squirrel opens the breaker box on a telephone pole and fries itself, thus shutting down power for the 4-block area the host computer is located in. DOWNLOAD: Ingesting files; feeding your computer. DTJBBS: Does The Job BBS (really!) -- that which makes a Commodore worth owning, almost. The only BBS program endorsed by and used by the author's mother. Where's the Win2K port, little roach? FILES: The standard medium of exchange, much like cookies or candy bars. G-PHILES: Text more interesting than a sysop could write alone. This masterpiece which you now are reading is a prime example. GALACTICOMM: Astronomically nice BBS program if there are more than 2 nodes, and just another planet if there aren't. Bridges the gap between ASCII term programs and the Internet, sometimes. GEnie: Once thought to be magical, now not thought of much at all. HANDLE: A method of removing your own identity from public messages and other system activity, so that you personally will not be held responsible for whatever happens. Often used by people who say nothing worth hearing and prefer to attack others, or by people who listen to too much heavy-metal music/read too much middle-earth fiction. These vary from the sedate (the person's real name) to the outrageous (somebody else's real name). In some circles, is ANONYMOUS COWARD. LINE NOISE: The best excuse some people can come up with for the fact that they can't spell or otherwise have garbage in their messages. What most of your phone bill or ISP fee pays for. LOGOFF: An alternative to getting ejected from a system due to running out of online time or repeated infractions of the rules. LOGON: To make yourself eligible to receive criticism from a sysop or any member of cyberspace. Also the primary reason why people call their Internet providers to complain about not getting email -- they have forgotten to do this little feat. MODS: Modifications on a BBS program which often make the new product far superior to the original jumbled code; few people can write them but those who can become immortal at some level. NODE: Phone line to a computer, usually spoken of in the plural for a BBS's ability to handle more than one caller and thus CHAT (which See, both definitions). The more, the merrier. NYM: A really good handle, acclaimed for its originality. ONLINE: Computerese for "The damn modem finally answered!" PAGE: Beep the speaker at someone in ICQ to see if s/he's at home. The precursor to logoff. PASSWORD: Three to eight characters used to "prove" that you are a different user as you try to impersonate him/her. PCBOARD: Misquote of "PC bored," describing either the computer the BBS program runs on or the users who try to figure out the commands. PRODIGY: Actually an illigitimate son. Sears found a way to get money off something normally considered free: conversation. RBBS: Ridiculous BBS. So convoluted a BBS system that those who master the program's setup or write mods often go on permanent ego trips. SUBCONFERENCE: Below a conference. Often used to speak of message areas which have become chaotic or base. SYSOP: [colloq] The person in whose hands you place your life. The provider of both viruses and virus scanners. In some areas, any person who owns a computer, modem, and hard drive and has found some smart person who has figured out how to configure a BBS program in a manner which allows others to call his/her computer (now called a "system" once the program is installed). Self-made gods. TCP/IP: Try Connecting Physically/It's Phried. [We're lame tonight! -ed] Source of many a blown stack. [See "Smashing the stack for fun and profit", Phrack #49, by Aleph One] TRADEWARS 2002: Some people's only reason to own a modem or call BBSs or, so it seems to a few sysops, live and breathe. Has been subplanted by the works of iD and their ilk. UPLOAD: Taking out the garbage as a means of getting more online time. The only way you're going to get that file on an FTP or fserve. WWIV: What Works I'll Vouch-by. The BBS program equivalent to the chicken pox in that most people get it when they're young, which oddly enough is also true of AOL. Now that WWIV/X (for Unix) has entered the Alpha test stage (after only 36 years of waiting), an entire new generation could be infected. CPU chip type ------------- 8086: Chips for dips. What your 386 becomes when it runs Windows (95-any). 286: What your 386 becomes when it runs Windows (pre-95). 386: Computerese for "still not fast enough!" Your computer on drugs. 486: The barest minimum you want to attempt doing anything useful under Win95. 486/66 is the minimum required for Win98 to install, and yet this system makes an excellent Linux workstation or backup server. 5x86: Cyrixs' attempt at a 486-to-pentium conversion. Drop this into the afforementioned Linux workstation for a nice cheap speed boost. Windows either ceases functioning or fails to show any difference. 6x86: Reason why nobody buys Cyrix chips anymore. K-5: Better than pentium speed for whole numbers and memorization. 286 class speed when on its period, er, uhm, when floating points. K-6: Got fixed. No longer bleeds. Hence it is easier, uhm, faster, uhm, whatever... more than before. Athlon: Previously called the K-7, takes the Pentium concept of multiple threads of execution to a new level. It can confuse about three times as many threads at the same time as an Intel chip. Duron: Protection from the K-5/6 debacle. Pentium: Intel's first foray into multi-million logic-gated chips. Introduced the ability of the chip to do several things at the same time in no particular order. This lead to problems, especially with long division. Pentium II: Their second attempt. Ever so slightly Faster for 32-bit code, signifigantly slower for the code that everyone was actually using at the time. Pentium !!!: Stands for "Not Not Not!", what was said when its comparitive performance specs were released, as well as what was said when the I.D. Number tracking became known of. IA64: Vaporhardware. Programs & Commands [DOS/WIN] ----------------------------- AUTOEXEC.BAT: The first thing the computer tries to read after making sure that it cannot read your boot disk. BASIC: (1) Beginners Are Stuck In Computing; the language first taught to computer novices despite its near-uselessness. (2) Beginners All Purpose Self-Imploding Code. CD\ : Get to the root of the problem. CHKDSK: Check to see if the disk is still there; most often used on the fixed disk, which seems kind of silly. Sometimes used with the switch "/F" which will f*** your disk up for you. COMMAND.COM: The vital-yet-deletable portion of the system, as many users soon discover accidentally (or intentionally). CONFIG.SYS: Hieroglyphics that only your computer can understand but you yourself must write. COPY: Create or destroy, depending upon skill and luck. Also, a pirate's most summoned friend; the social implications are staggering since the goal is to introduce a file to a disk it has never met before. COPY CON: Telling the computer, "Assume that I can type without making typos." The chief cause of .BAT files and .BAT file errors. CSHOW.EXE: The popular name for file SEEPORN.EXE. [Deprecated, now commonly done by Netscape, IE, ACDC, LViewPro and Irfan.] DAZZLE.EXE: Justification for buying a VGA (or higher) monitor if you don't believe in displaying porno GIFs to the neighbors. What sells the most computers when used as an in-store demo, and what the computer runs most often once home. [Deprecated: Replaced by "Flying Windows", which is really odd, since the new program fails to have the "Ooooohhh!" factor.] DEL *.* : The most common way to delete one file out of a directory. DELTREE: Agent Orange, deforestating your harddrive. DIR: Doesn't It Read? -- the easiest way to check to see if your DOS is still intact after a critical error. DRWATSON: Occasionally a superslueth, often just confused. EDLIN: The computer world's version of mud-and-stylus writing. FILEMAN.EXE: Windows file name, thought to stand for File Manager; it actually stands for File Mangler. Though still available, it is now only used when Explorer.exe gets deleted. FORMAT: The easiest way to keep copyrighted software out of other users hands; also, the easiest command to type unintentionally. FTP.EXE: Useful only with which to snag a new copy of WS-FTP or netscape since you forgot to back it up before that last ILOVEYOU-induced reinstallation. GRASP: What you want to do to the models in this "movie" format. The DOS version of AVI's and a lot more interesting than FLI's. MD: Create a new place to lose files. MIRROR: (a) A means of using hard disk space you would otherwise not ever have access to, the bit right at the end. (b) A secondary dead link. MORE: A word added after the filename the second time you use the TYPE command, used with a pipe ("|") to reinforce its meaning. There is no LESS command for use when you get too much info, oddly enough. NOUVELL: Networking system used by computer techs who wish to stay employed, due to its frequent crash rate. OS/2: Oh S***, Squared. The industry's further attempts to turn a PC into a Macintosh in every possible way and then some. PCTOOLS: Similar to a chainsaw; in the wrong hands the package is a dangerous device -- in the right hands, it is also a dangerous device of which some practical use may be extracted. POSTSCRIPT: A system whereby an ordinary laserprinter becomes a printing press. Like the SoundBlaster, often found in homes where there is no real need or use for such equipment, or no talent to use such equipment to its fullest capabilities. PRINTSHOP: A program used to waste paper in massive quantities. PROCOMM: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Like Qmodem (in far too many ways), it allows one to be social and antisocial at the same time. Any other programs are inferior. QMODEM: An addictive piece of software used to communicate with others while never leaving your house. A Catch-22 of sorts. The major difference between Qmodem and ProComm is that you can get this program free of charge, which is a really big plus. RD: A command often used to find out if a directory is empty yet. REGEDIT: See PCTOOLS. Slightly different odds. ROUTE: Finally, a way to tell Windoze where the hell to go. (as if Windoze would listen...) SCAN: Looking over one's shoulder to see if one's hacking has been discovered; also, looking over one's files to see if another hacker has been discovered. SPINRITE: A program that will vacuum the rug without asking you to lift your feet, and tells you exactly what's wrong with your computer except for the part about the nut behind the keyboard. TASKMAN: Resembles the File Mangler, but completely different. TELNET: A poor excuse for Telix. THEDRAW: A form of color Etch-A-Sketch, which allows even the most inept artist to think himself a Van Gogh. TRACERT: Drop breadcrumbs as you stroll through the forest.... TREE: Something shaken to see what files will fall out. TYPE: DOS function to read docs. Used only in emergencies. WINDOWS: A system designed to slow down fast CPUs and eliminate all that nasty disk space you'd been ignoring. WINIPCFG: Provides user the illusion of being given IP config information. WORDPERFECT: Omnipotent program from the land of the Mormons. Knowing how to hit the F3 key is very very important. WORDSTAR: A complicated method of avoiding writing your letters in EDLIN. File types ---------- .ARC: What the .ZOO animals travelled in; also, an ancient archiver. .ARJ: One letter different than .ARC, which should tell you something. .BAT: What you wish to take to your computer after receiving error messages for the umpteenth time. Extention stands for "battered files" and are text files which actually DO something productive. .BMP: Baby Makes Pictures: The only graphics type you can use on an unenhanced Windoze desktop. Enabling the extras needed to use anything else will diuble the RAM requirements and make reboots take 2-3 minutes longer. .COM: Compost -- a.k.a. fecal matter, not to be confused with the popular top-level domain. .DLL: Dynamicly Lost Libraries. These files can be lost-as-demanded by any arbitrary windoze program. Note that DLLWorld never has the ones you need RIGHT NOW. Ever. .EXE: Executable, sometimes. "Executable" often means you can kill it, or will want to if you can't. .FLI: From Little Imagination -- a "movie" system devoid of skin, thus not worth looking into or at. .GIF: Gee, It's Free -- Formerly the easiest, cheapest method for the distribution of pornography. [replaced by .JPG, see COMPUSERVE] .GL: Geez, Louise! See GRASP (and watch it and watch it...) .GRP: Grope files. What you'll be doing if they're lost... .HLP: Help books. Never read by anyone. Primary cause of .GID files. .INI: The file which is causing all the problems with your Windows programs; conversely, what is causing all your Windows programs to function in the first place. .JPE: A misnamed file. Delete. .JPG: Just Pornography, Guys! The most common graphic type these days. .LZH: Proof that the Japanese still make smaller, better products than the U.S. Compression utility used by smart-alecks. .M3U: Vanity lists of music, trade these on IRC, yet it is also the exact list of what files you forgot to place on your fserv or ftp site... .MOV: Movie files. Like, DUH! .MP3: Supplants .WAV as the reason to own a soundcard. Now the primary form of distribution for newly released albums. .MPG: More Porno, Guys! Motion version of JPG, may eventually replace it. .OCX: ActiveX component, useful only in allowing arbitrary webpages to erase your harddrive without authentication. Oddly enough, all IE-optimized webpages fail to render without these being loaded... .PAK: Outdated yet very efficient archiving method, e pluribus unum. .PNG: A technologically superior graphic format. As such, files are huge. .PWL: A list of your passwords. State of the art in Windows local security. .QT: Quicktimes' other extension. Call when the first is busy. .RAR: Rare compression format, except among pirates. .RTF: wRecked Text Format. The most portable and therefore least used. .SDA: Self-Destructing Archive, used by Commode Odor machines. See .COM .SID: Still the best music format, ever. .SYS: Usually a loadable module or SYStem file, except under Windows 9x. You can delete MSDOS.SYS under win9x, since it's not DOS anyway. .TIF: Tyrannysaurus Rex of GFX formats. Big and mean looking, it may be beaten out of existance by smaller, warm-blooded formats. .TMP: Windoze Droppings. Nonessential, but windoze has an irrational attachement to them. Go ahead, try to remove them. See what crashes. .TTF: TrueType Fonts. Collect all you want; Chank will make more. .TXT: Terrible eXchange of Things -- the simplest form of file creation, so simple that even imbeciles can use it. (See R.A.T. for proof) .VXD: The first file windoze reports as missing (or as having crashed while executing in). Takes away your real devices and replaces them with a fantasy land for your programs to play in until they fall down go boom. .WAV: [historic] Sound files used as justification to (1) buy a sound card and (2) use Windows 3.1 -- similar to buying a couple elephants simply because you have hay growing in your backyard for them to eat. Like balloon aminals, any clown can make them [now replaced by .MP3] .ZIP: Common extension used to separate the computer literate from the computer illiterate. A 21st century version of .ARC. .ZOO: A place to find animals; also, a bestial archiver. +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | R.A.T. is a loosely-organized collaboration of hackers who have set | | out to make the world a better place to live in by observing the | | human element and laughing aloud at it, then encouraging others to | | do the same. This phile was written by jointly by R.A.T.s #1 and #2 | | (Chrome and The Mushroom) whilst drinking [beverage] and shamelessly | | plaigerizing their old work. You may distribute this freely (as you | | do everything else) but PLEASE don't remove this here credit bar, we | | beg of you. (This is our Warholian 15 minutes.) The next R.A.T. | | dropping is coming to a BBS, er, uhm, website near you... | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 12345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890